


When Darkness Tightens

by wingedflower



Series: I Want to Break Free [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Claustrophobia, Claustrophobic Lance, Drama, Gen, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Langst, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Space Dad Shiro, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13191429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedflower/pseuds/wingedflower
Summary: What was supposed to be a simple mission turns into a race against time as Lance's claustrophobia strikes again, this time with full power. Shiro feels guilty.





	When Darkness Tightens

**Author's Note:**

> Another part in my claustrophobic!Lance series. You don't really have to read the first two parts to understand this one, but if you want to know how the others found out about Lance's claustrophobia and how they decided to handle it, you can read the first part, "Break Out, Break Down".
> 
> Also: thank the lovely @IcyPanther who agreed to be my beta for this fic! She is a wonderful human being (not to mention an amazing writer, like, holy shit she is gooood)

Lance huffed out an exasperated breath as he finished rounding yet another empty corridor. Earlier that day the castle had spotted a huge Galran cargo ship, which appeared to be completely abandoned according to the scans - not one heat signature was recognized on it, nor even robot sentries. The total lack of defense indicated that this ship was indeed no longer an asset for the Galra.

So, the reason Shiro and Allura decided they should check it out was beyond Lance's comprehension. The ship clearly did not contain anything useful; otherwise the Galra would have undoubtedly bothered to keep it under _some_ level of security. So why should they spend their time on it?

Judging by the faces of the rest of Lance's teammates once their two leaders gathered them at the bridge to announce their next mission, he wasn't the only one who thought it was totally pointless. But seeing how everyone simply mumbled their consent and went to collect their armors, Lance decided he wasn't going to be the one putting up a protest. It was never good trying to argue with Allura anyway - something the others must have realized too.

He guessed it couldn't be helped. They would go into that stupid ghost ship, scan it quickly, realize there was nothing there and go back to castle in time for lunch. Easy peasy.

Considering the unusual size of the ship - it must have been used to transport huge amounts of supplies back in the day - each of the five paladins was assigned with a different section to explore. Once they were finished, assuming they found nothing of interest, they were supposed to report to the rest of the team and head back to the main deck, where the green lion was waiting to fly them all back to the castle.

Lance clicked his tongue once he reached the end of the corridor, which dead-ended with a doorway that led to a small, empty room that barely rivaled the size of his closet aboard the castle. Whatever was stored inside has either run out or been moved to another ship. Anyways, Lance thought as he peered inside, he did not intend to spend one second longer than he had to here. He wasn't exactly a fan of small, enclosed spaces, and a shiver ran through his spine at the mere thought.

He activated the hologram map that Pidge had downloaded from the ship's control room and uploaded into everyone's armors. Apparently this was the last corridor he had to cover before he was done with his section. Good. He was starting to get _so_ bored.

"Guys, I'm done with my section. Nothing to see here," he said into his comm, trying not to sound too satisfied with himself. He _knew_ this was a pointless mission.

"Same here," Pidge responded almost immediately, her voice flat.

"I have two more rooms to check but so far I've only found a bunch of broken computers," Hunk chimed in.

"You're lucky," Keith grumbled. "My section had the ship's old _toilets._ I nearly died from the smell."

Lance couldn't hold back a snort of laughter. It was comforting to know he wasn't the only one who was far from having the time of his life on this mission.

"No wonder Keith got the smelly part," he teased. "His stupid mullet smells even worse."

"Can't be worse than the smell of your face after a whole night with a food goo mask," Keith retorted.

"It's _not_ food goo, but how would you know; you only shower like once a week."

"Okay, guys, we get the point," Shiro's voice rang in his ear, calm and stable and slightly scolding. "I haven't found anything either, so I'll meet you at the rendezvous point in a few dobashes. Good job, everyone."

The rest of the paladins murmured their approval and Lance turned back in the direction that he came from, looking at his map to make out the path to the main deck. However, he didn't make it more than two steps before all the lights around him suddenly went off. He yelped in surprise, stumbling forward and catching himself at the last second.

Oh, _spectacular._ As if this place wasn't creepy enough _with_ the lights on.

He forced himself to take a deep breath. Everything was fine. There weren't any enemies on this ship, no one was going to attack him out of the blue. The power just went off because, well, this was an old, abandoned ship and honestly, it was a wonder it hadn't fallen apart yet. He was a paladin of Voltron, he could handle walking in the dark for a while. He still had his map and the lights on his armor automatically glowed brighter in situations like this - especially the one on his helmet, which made a pretty decent headlamp now that Lance's eyes had adjusted to the dark and he was able to see a few feet ahead of him, which was so much better than nothing from before.

He thought about pointing out the sudden power cut to the others - if only to figure out whether the lights went off on their sections as well - but caught himself just before he was about to activate his comm again. He didn’t want to sound like he was scared of a little dark. And besides, the comm remained quiet for the past minute, which meant his section was probably the only one without power, otherwise someone would have mentioned it by now. He didn’t want to worry his friends for nothing.

Lance took another steadying breath and resumed his walk. It was fine, he was doing fine. As long as he followed the map he would be back at the main deck in no time, and who knew, maybe the lights would be back on at some point. He was busy holding onto this thought when all of a sudden he heard a loud _crack_ under his foot, just where he set it to make his next step. He barely had the chance to wonder what that could mean before the floor collapsed under him and he fell through it, scream frozen in his throat.

***

Shiro was never going to admit it out loud, of course, but he felt utterly stupid after all the other paladins had checked in, turning off his comm with a grunt. It was official now - he had sent his team to explore an abandoned ship which contained nothing but empty hallways and rooms full of junk. This was _not_ one of his brightest ideas, to say the least.

Oh well. At least they weren't ambushed by the Galra, and that was definitely something in this crazy war. Hopefully they would all be back at the castle in a short while and put this utter waste of time behind them.

He was only one floor away from the main deck when his comm came to life again.

"Sh-shiro?"

It was Lance's voice, small and hesitant and a bit higher than usual. Shiro stopped walking at once and frowned. The blue paladin didn't normally sound so frail.

"Yes, Lance," he answered. "What is it?"

"I'm..." Lance's voice trailed off for a moment, as if completing a sentence was costing him a tremendous effort. "I'm stuck."

Shiro's stomach knotted uncomfortably. "What do you mean?" he asked, trying to keep his voice mild.

He could practically hear the other boy gulp before speaking. "The floor... it c-collapsed. I was just walking back to deck when it..." he shuddered, breath harsh and rattling in Shiro's comm to the point it was physically painful to listen to it. "I'm sorry. I-I'm not sure how it happened..."

Shiro's heart clenched at how miserable Lance sounded. Even when trapped and clearly scared out of his mind he felt the urge to apologize for falling through a broken floor. As if by doing so he somehow sabotaged their mission.

"Lance, this isn't your fault; it was an accident. You have nothing to be sorry for," he said and hoped his words would somehow reach the panicked teen on the other side of the comm. "Now, do you know where you landed, exactly? Can you describe the room around you?"

Lance's only response was something between a groan and a whine, and it sounded so distressed and so _wrong_ that Shiro's heart skipped a beat.

"Lance?" he called, his voice not so mild anymore. "Lance, talk to me. Where are you? What do you see?"

Lance huffed out a noise that could have passed for a laugh if he hadn't sounded so hysterical. "I... I don't know," he admitted. "It's all dark in here... the lights went off just before I fell in."

Shiro barely stopped himself from slapping his forehead, cursing the very moment he had decided to send his team on this mission. "I understand. How about you use the lights on your armor to try and figure out your surroundings?" he asked, although he had a bad feeling about the answer.

Lance gave a shaky sigh. "I don't think they work. They probably got bashed when I fell or something. And... Shiro, I can't..." he gulped again, "I can't move."

An involuntary shiver ran through Shiro's spine. "What do you mean, Lance? Are you hurt?" _Please don't be hurt, please don't be hurt._

"I'm not... I mean, there's something on my..." Lance was clearly struggling to form words at this point as his voice was no louder than a whisper. "There's something on my left f-f-foot... I don't know what it is but it's _heavy_... I can't move it. I can't move _at all_ , Shiro," his voice finally broke into a choked sob.

Shiro's blood was roaring in his ears as about a thousand alarms went off inside his brain at once. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"I'm coming. Hang on, buddy, I'll be right there," Shiro promised, legs already running on their own in the opposite direction. Lance didn't respond at all this time, which only made Shiro run faster, trying very hard not to topple over as he activated his map to locate the blue paladin's signature. A curse escaped his lips when he discovered that Lance was at the furthest section of the ship - even a skilled runner like himself would take a few minutes to get there, assuming there weren't any more collapsing floors on the way.

And for someone like Lance and the situation he was in right now, every minute, every _second_ , counted.

Shiro mustered all of his willpower to push back the last thought. He couldn't dwell on this right now. He needed to focus on getting Lance out of wherever he was trapped as soon as possible - he would deal with the consequences later, after Lance was free and safe.

“Lance,” he spoke up again, still running (thank the universe he was in a good enough shape to do that). “I’m on my way, but I want you to keep talking to me so I can know you’re okay.”

He prayed Lance was still lucid enough to answer, and to his immense relief, his comm rang again after a few seconds. “W-what…” Lance’s voice was barely audible, but Shiro could hear he was trying his best. “What do you… want to t-t-talk about?”

“Anything. Doesn’t matter. How about you tell me about the cookies you helped Hunk make yesterday? They were delicious. What did you put in there, exactly?”

Lance gulped. “I don’t – know. Hunk told me about the ingredients, b-but I didn’t get it.”

Shiro almost chuckled. Honestly, no one really understood what the hell Hunk was using in the castle’s kitchen, but as long as it tasted good neither of them particularly cared.

“That’s okay. Do you at least remember what colors they were? What they smelled like?” Shiro knew he was babbling, but he was willing to do anything to keep Lance from getting lost in his own thoughts – which would definitely _not_ do him any good right now.

“Um…” Lance took another rattling breath. “There was something orange… and s-some pink powder that smelled like… smelled like…” he shuddered again. “I can’t remember.”

Shiro’s heart raced, which had nothing to do with him running. “That’s okay, Lance. You don’t have to remember. Just keep talking.” He knew he sounded desperate at this point, but he didn’t care.

“I… can’t…” Lance’s already wan voice was rapidly fading away. “Shiro, I can’t breathe…”

“No,” Shiro said sharply, flinching at his own harsh tone. “You _can_ breathe, Lance. Everything is going to be okay. You have to stay with me, buddy, come on, just a little bit longer.”

The comm remained deadly quiet, even after Shiro all but yelled Lance’s name several times. He cursed again and ran even faster, to the point the muscles in his legs started to actually hurt.

He passed another floor when he realized he hadn't contacted the other paladins yet. Kicking himself mentally, he raised his arm to his helmet and activated the common channel.

"Guys, where are you?" he barked.

"Keith, Hunk and I are already on deck," Pidge answered. She sounded bored. "What’s taking you and Lance so long? We already agreed there was nothing here."

"Well, change of plans. Lance fell through a hole in the floor and now he's trapped. I need you guys to trace his signature and come right away. I don't know how deep he's fallen and I might need help with rescuing him. And be careful - the power has gone down in his section."

There were scared gasps on the other side of the comm, followed by Hunk's shriek, "But why the quiznak was there a hole in the floor?!"

"He told me it just collapsed under him."

Pidge cursed. "This whole ship is no more than a piece of junk."

Guilt rose in Shiro's throat like bile and he pushed it down with sheer will.

"Is he injured?" Hunk asked, still hysterical. "Oh my god, please tell me he isn't injured."

"I don't know," Shiro said grimly. "His foot is apparently trapped under something but I couldn't figure out more than that. Anyway, we have no time to waste. He stopped responding on the comm a bit ago."

"We're coming, Shiro," Keith said, and if he hadn't been so sick with worry Shiro would have beamed at the care and concern the red paladin's voice projected towards his so-called rival. But he could also hear Hunk calling to Lance and trying to get him to talk to no avail, and that was enough to practically send him flying down the hallway.

He finally reached the corridor where Lance was supposed to be, instantly slowing down as he was met with complete darkness - even the emergency lights were off. He gave himself a second to catch his breath and adjust his eyes to the faint lighting his armor provided, then continued to walk at the same slow pace, one hand braced against the wall the entire time. He wanted nothing more than to reach Lance as quickly as possible, but he knew he couldn't risk tripping and injuring himself as well.

Another long minute passed before he came to an abrupt stop as the line of metal tiles ahead of him suddenly ended in a black, square hole, its width about twice Shiro's. One tile was still dangling dangerously from the edge, connected to the rim with little more than a bundle of wires, which seemed ready to fall apart at any minute.

Shiro gulped and approached the hole carefully. He knelt as close as he could to the edge, keeping a safe distance from the loose tile, and turned his head so that the headlamp on his helmet projected inside.

He spotted Lance right away, and a breath of relief he didn't know he had been holding escaped his lips. The room Lance has fallen into was not very deep - it was about the height of a regular room, like their dorms in the castle - and he wasn't trapped under a huge pile of debris as Shiro has dreaded.

In fact, his body was exposed save for a few pieces of tile that lay across his abdomen but didn't look particularly massive, and his left foot... well, it was indeed trapped under something that Shiro could only recognize as a computer. But not like the elegant, compact tablets that Shiro was used to from the castle, but rather like the large, bulky mass of metal he had only seen in museums of computing history back on Earth. It was definitely impossible for a single human to move on his own, let alone someone of Lance's figure - tall and lanky and quick on his feet but rather lacking in the muscle department.

"Lance, I'm here," Shiro called, hoping his presence would have a soothing influence on the boy. "And the others are coming too. They'll be here in a minute and then we'll get you out, okay? You're going to be okay."

Lance didn't reply. Shiro could not make out his face very well from this distance, but he seemed to be frozen in his place, lying motionlessly on the ground even though he seemed perfectly capable of moving his limbs except for his left foot. He did not acknowledge the black paladin in any way.

The knot in Shiro's stomach tightened even more. Had Lance hit his head when he fell? Did he have a concussion? It didn't seem likely - he still had his helmet on and besides, he _had_ spoken to Shiro a short while ago. His sentences hadn't been jumbled or meaningless either - he just sounded scared, which was beyond understandable considering the circumstances.

But Lance did mention that he couldn't move. What if he sustained a more serious injury? What if his head was okay, but his spine was somehow damaged from the fall despite the protection of his armor? Shiro bit back another wave of bile which threatened to come back up with full power. He couldn't think about it right now. Lance would be okay. He _had_ to be.

He suddenly heard footsteps and turned his head sharply, only to see the three other paladins approaching him quickly, anxiety written all over their faces.

"Did you find him?" Keith panted, stumbling slightly as he skidded to a stop in front of the hole, but luckily Hunk caught his shoulder in time to steady him.

"Yes." Shiro looked back at the unmoving boy beneath him. "As I said earlier, his foot is trapped under something; an old computer from what I can tell. I need one volunteer to go down there with me and help me lift it off him. After that I'm pretty sure I'll be able to fly us both back up."

"Hunk should go," Pidge blurted out. "He's the strongest of the three of us."

Shiro nodded. "Good. You and Keith stay here and make sure this loose tile doesn't fall on our heads."

Hunk looked rather queasy after the last sentence but wasted no time activating his jetpack. "We're coming, buddy," he called at Lance, frowning as he got no response.

Shiro stood up and activated his own jetpack, maneuvering himself so he floated just above the hole. He silently thanked the universe that it was wide enough for both himself and Hunk to get through. They both landed a tick later on the room's floor, scanning it with their headlamps to locate any more heavy objects that might collapse on them while they worked. Fortunately, the room seemed empty save for a couple of old, rusty machines like the one that was on top of Lance's foot, and they were stored a safe distance away.

“Lance!” Hunk knelt next to Lance’s head in an instant. “Are you alright? Please say something, anything.” His tone was all but begging, but Lance remained awfully unresponsive.

Shiro came to kneel next to Hunk, his heart heavy as he finally got the chance to inspect the boy's face closely.

Lance's ocean blue eyes were wide open, but they seemed to be staring blindly ahead, not even blinking when Shiro's headlamp illuminated them. His mouth was open as well, slack and unmoving, and his breaths were coming out as shallow, wheezy gasps. The usually tanned, mocha color of his face was replaced with a sickening pallor, and when Shiro squinted he noticed two trails of moisture across his cheeks. Tears. Lance has been crying.

"What's wrong with him?" Hunk whispered, looking downright horrified.

Shiro sighed. "I think he's in shock. Panic attack, probably. But first we need to get this thing off him; then we’ll try to snap him out of it.” He got up and went to grab one side of the computer, wrapping his arms around it. For a moment Hunk looked reluctant to leave Lance’s side, but then he staggered to his feet and did the same with the other side.

"One, two... _three_ ," Shiro counted and they both pulled with all their might, digging their heels into the ground for stability. There was a loud, metallic creak as the machine protested at first, but eventually it gave in and detached from Lance's leg. Shiro braced himself for a cry of pain once the extra weight was off him, but Lance didn't even stir.

Once they safely deposited the computer at the corner of the room, Shiro rushed back to Lance to examine his leg while Hunk turned to get the rest of the debris off him. Shiro grimaced at the sight of Lance's foot: the bleeding was rather sluggish, for which Shiro was thankful, but the bones were definitely broken as shards of armor seemed to be embedded into the limb and the whole thing was twisted at a very wrong angle.

“Shiro, he’s still not responding.” Hunk’s worried tone made Shiro tear his eyes off Lance’s foot and look back at his face, still frozen and staring blankly at the ceiling.

“Alright. Let’s bring him back up and try again,” he said, hoping he sounded like he knew what he was doing.

Hunk chewed the inside of his cheek. "Do you need help?"

"No, I've got him. Thanks." Shiro assumed Lance wouldn't appreciate too many hands groping him at the moment. They had to do it as gently as possible.

Hunk nodded. He glanced at Lance's foot and winced, but looked determined to keep it together for the sake of his friend.

Shiro placed one arm around Lance's back and the other beneath the bend of his knees, lifting him off the ground without too much effort. Lance's head lolled lifelessly to the side, and Shiro tightened his grip around him a bit more even though there was no actual need.

"I've got you," he whispered even though he knew Lance wasn't listening.

The flight back to the upper corridor felt like eternity to Shiro, even though it probably lasted less than five seconds. He was careful not to jostle Lance too much or make his foot collide with the broken tile dangling from the edge. Eventually, they were out, and Shiro approached the far wall and gently lowered Lance to the ground, leaning him against the wall so that he was sitting more or less upright.

The others were at his side in an instant. "Is he..." Pidge started, but the question died on her lips as she caught Lance's blank expression.

"Give him some space, please," Shiro asked quietly but firmly. He felt the other paladins take a step backwards and turned his full attention to the boy in front of him, who was still deep in whatever trance his claustrophobia has gotten him into.

"Lance?" he said in the mildest voice he could manage. "It's Shiro. We just got you out of the hole. You're okay now. You're safe."

Lance didn't show any signs of hearing him, and Shiro found it harder and harder to swallow his own panic. He didn't really know how to coax someone out of a panic attack - hell, he himself sometimes had those really bad spells where he would get lost in his flashbacks for what felt like hours, unable to pull through it no matter how awful it was. What if this was bigger than him? What if what Lance needed right now was real, professional help, the kind that Shiro - or any of the other paladins, for that matter - was simply not qualified to provide?

He took a deep breath and decided to try again. They didn't have any professionals at the moment; they were stuck on an abandoned ship in the middle of space and all they had were each other.

"Okay Lance, I'm going to take off your helmet now," he said. Maybe without it Lance would feel less constricted. Shiro wished they could go just outside and get some fresh air, but right now this dark corridor would have to do. At least it was wide.

He placed his palms on each side of Lance's helmet and pulled it gently off, depositing it on the floor. He could now see the way Lance's bangs were stuck to his forehead with sweat, and pulled the glove off his human hand before pressing it gently against Lance's face, hoping the physical contact would help bring him back to reality. The boy's skin was cool and clammy to the touch, and his breath sounded even shallower than before. Shiro knew he had to hurry before Lance knocked himself unconscious for real.

"It's okay," he said softly and brushed the sweaty bangs away from Lance's forehead, carding his fingers through Lance's scalp in a way he knew the boy enjoyed very much. "You're okay. You're safe. You're not there anymore. You're here with us. Everything is going to be okay."

Lance's eyelids fluttered suddenly. It was a tiny movement, barely noticeable, but it made Shiro's heart leap in his chest nonetheless. He caressed Lance's hair some more, then lowered his palm to cup his cheek. "Lance?" he asked. "Do you hear me?"

Lance blinked again, still looking rather groggy but definitely more aware than before, and his blue eyes finally focused on Shiro, mouth twitching as the muscles around it slowly remembered how to move.

"Shi - ro?" he stammered, voice so small and scared and _young_ it broke the Shiro's heart into pieces.

"Right here." Shiro managed a smile and brushed his thumb against Lance's cheek. "Everything is alright."

Lance's gaze trailed off Shiro to the other paladins, who smiled and waved tentatively at him, and then to the hole in the floor a few feet ahead of them. His eyes widened and he gasped, trying to get up and failing as his injured foot shook under his weight.

"Hey, hey," Shiro planted his hands firmly on Lance's shoulders and shifted in his place so that his body was blocking the hole from Lance's sight. "It's okay. You're out now."

Lance turned his gaze back to Shiro, tears pooling rapidly at the corners of his eyes. "I... I..." he gagged violently and pitched forward, and barely managed to tilt his body to the side before expelling the contents of his stomach on the floor. Once he was finished he started crying again, his broken, guttural sobs echoing painfully across the empty hallway.

Shiro reached out immediately and gathered Lance in his arms, not caring that one of his knees was practically dipped in the pool of vomit. A bitter sensation of déjà vu filled him as he let Lance bury his face in his chest and weep freely. But this time Shiro found it hard to stop his own tears, and he gritted his teeth in attempt to fight the burning in his eyes, knowing well that this was _not_ what Lance needed right now.

It didn't make him feel any better though. It didn't help him to shake off the guilt, the fact that he had hurt Lance deeper than ever before and that the blue paladin was in the state he was right now because of him.

Because it _was_ Shiro's fault. He was the one who, along with Allura, came up with this stupid, pointless mission. He was the one who insisted on sending his friends to this godforsaken ship to look for... for what, exactly? It was clear from the beginning the Galra had left here nothing of importance. But Shiro had to make sure. He _always_ had to make sure. And this habit of his had nearly cost him one of his team’s lives.

Because it could have ended so much worse. Lance could have sustained much more serious injuries, he could have been hit in the head, he could have suffocated under the rubble... Shiro shuddered at the thought and he held Lance a bit closer. But even if Lance ended up with no more than a broken foot, the damage to his soul was far, far worse, and there was nothing Shiro could do to make it go away.

Because out of everybody on their team, Lance was the one who had the hardest time being trapped in tight, dark spaces. Shiro was painfully aware of this fact; they all were after that cursed day, when Lance collapsed during training. But they all swore to help him - to make sure he wouldn't find himself in such a situation ever again. And yet he did, and not even during a fight against some real enemies, but on a simple, completely unnecessary mission during which he hadn't argued or complained about even once because he trusted his leader with his whole heart. In fact, Lance trusted Shiro so much that he called him on the comm first - even before Hunk, who was his best friend. As if he was certain Shiro would know what do, would not disappoint him.

But Shiro _did_ disappoint him. As a leader he was supposed to protect his soldiers, and he failed miserably. He didn't deserve their trust. He didn't deserve the title of the black paladin.

"Shiro?"

Lance's weak voice pulled Shiro back from his dark thoughts. "Yes, buddy?" he answered, resting one hand on top of Lance's scalp as he found the gesture most helpful in calming Lance down.

Shiro felt Lance scrunch his face against his chest. "M-my foot hurts," he said tightly.

Shiro sighed, heart breaking for about the hundredth time today. "I know. How about we get you back to the castle and have a look at it, hmm?"

Lance didn't protest as Shiro scooped him into his arms again - probably because he was too drained to move on his own, and only turned his head so he could hide his tear-stricken face in the crook of Shiro's neck. Shiro didn't mind, of course, but he cringed internally as he caught the worried looks of the rest of the paladins.

"He just needs some space," he said, almost mechanically. "I'm sure he'll be happy to talk to you once he relaxes a little. Pidge, can you find the shortest route to your lion?"

"On it," Pidge said and activated her map, although Shiro did not miss the light quiver to her lower lip.

The flight back to the castle was quiet and uneventful. Pidge focused on piloting Green while Hunk updated Allura and Coran about the recent events and Keith leaned against the cockpit's wall, lips pressed in a thin line. Shiro stayed on the floor with Lance, cradling the younger boy in his lap. He was so still Shiro could have believed he had fallen asleep if it weren't for the occasional sniffling and shaky breaths, indicating that he was still crying silently. All Shiro could do was keep stroking his hair - although he already knew it was doing very little to bring him real comfort.

They were lucky to choose the green lion to fly them here. If they had used Blue, there was no way Lance could have piloted it back. Small comforts and all that, Shiro thought bitterly.

The moment the green lion's paws touched the hangar's floor, Shiro rose to a stand with Lance tucked safely in his arms, careful not startle the boy. "I'm going to take Lance to the infirmary. You guys get some rest. I'll meet you afterwards."

Hunk and Pidge nodded silently, averting their gazes from Lance. Keith on the other hand looked like he was going to argue, but Shiro quirked his eyebrows meaningfully and the red paladin instantly recoiled, coming to understand that Lance would probably not appreciate the audience right now. Shiro smiled gratefully at him and started walking to the infirmary while the three other paladins headed the other direction.

"We're going to the infirmary now," Shiro repeated in Lance's ear once they were alone. "We'll get your foot fixed up in no time, you'll see."

Lance didn't reply but Shiro felt his entire body tense at once, as if visiting the infirmary posed a new threat. Shiro clenched his jaw as a sickening sensation of foreboding washed over him; but he couldn't back away now because Lance really needed medical attention, judging by the tiny drops of blood that trailed after them as they progressed along the hallway.

Entering the infirmary he found Coran and Allura waiting, hovering next to one of the cryopods as Coran rapidly typed orders into its control panel. They both turned around at the sound of the opening doors and jogged straight to Shiro, inspecting the boy in his arms with wide, concerned eyes.

"He's alright," Shiro rushed to say, although Lance was far from that. "Just a bit shaken. And his foot is hurt, as Hunk has already told you."

"Ah, yes, I recognize a broken foot when I see it," Coran hummed, twirling his moustache with one finger. "Well then, my boy, we already have a pod ready for you, so all you have to do is hop in! Just a couple of vargas and your foot will be as good as new!"

Lance stirred, finally turning his head away from Shiro's neck and focusing on the closest pod with tired, hazy eyes.

It was barely a tick later that his eyes snapped fully open and he gasped, thrashing so violently in Shiro's arms that the older boy nearly dropped him.

"No!" Lance screamed, voice cracked and sore from crying. "No no no no no - "

"Lance, hey, it's okay," Shiro cooed and lowered them both to the floor, but Lance was beyond listening.

" _No!!!_ " Lance stared at the pod with such horror it was as if he had seen a ghost. "I c-can't go in there - n-not again - don't make me go in there, please, please, _por favor,_ " his voice climbed higher with every word and Shiro knew it was only a matter of time before he started to hyperventilate and hurt himself further.

"Lance," Coran tried, bending towards the squirming boy in Shiro's arms. He kept his voice mild but his eyes were sorrowful. "The cryopod is essential for your healing. It is not going to hurt you; in fact, you won't even feel a thing, because you'll be sound asleep through the entire process. I swear it on Wazblay's name."

Lance shook his head fervently, using his very last bits of energy to try and wrench himself free of Shiro's grip, although the black paladin's arms were stronger and kept him immobile. "No, no, I don't want to, _no quiero, por favor..._ " his voice died into a soft keen and he squeezed his eyes shut, murmuring to himself in broken Spanish as newfound tears spilled down his cheeks.

And that was when Shiro decided he has had enough.

"Alright," he said firmly. "No cryopod."

“Shiro – “ Allura started, but Shiro gave her such a look she fell silent.

"I said _no cryopod_ ," he repeated, emphasizing each word. "Allura, look at him. He's been through enough already. I can't force him into a pod in such a state."

Allura pursed her lips. She seemed to compose herself only for Lance's sake. "He is injured. He needs a pod in order to heal."

"He has a broken foot. This isn't a life-threatening injury. It might take longer to heal, but I'm sure you have the equipment to do it without a pod."

Allura opened her mouth to keep arguing, but one look at Lance and all the fight seemed to leave her at once. “Very well,” she said with resignation. “Put him on one of the beds so we can scan him manually, please.”

Shiro released a long breath. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. He turned to Lance, who was still sniffling and hiccupping between sobs, eyes tightly shut. “Did you hear that, buddy? You’re not going in the pod. We can fix your foot without it.”

Lance barely cracked one eye open, as if wanting to believe Shiro’s words but too scared. “R-really?”

Shiro found himself fighting tears for the second time today at how young and helpless Lance sounded. He _was_ young, Shiro realized bitterly. Barely seventeen and already traumatized for a lifetime, all because of a war he'd never asked to take part in.

"Really. We won't do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable, I promise."

Lance sighed and drooped in Shiro's grip. The poor boy didn't even have the power to vocalize his approval anymore. So Shiro picked him up again and walked to the closest bed, feeling beyond relieved to see that its head was opposite of the cryopods. He carefully set Lance on it, laying him on his side so that he would be able to breathe more easily. Allura and Coran swooped in immediately, and Shiro took a step backwards to let them work.

While Allura was busy stripping Lance off his armor, Coran turned back to Shiro. “Thank you, Number One.” He placed one hand on Shiro’s shoulder, stopping him from getting closer again. “The princess and I will take it from here.”

Shiro looked at the bed over Coran’s shoulder. “But I want to help…”

“You’ve done more than enough,” Coran said lightly. “Now it's time for you to get some well-deserved rest. Do not worry, lad, Number Three is in good hands.”

Shiro's jaw worked, but he took another step backwards anyway. “Yeah. Okay.”

“And Shiro,” Coran added, lowering his voice suddenly. “Don’t blame yourself for this.”

Shiro blinked in surprise. How did - ?

“I know this is how you feel right now,” Coran continued, eyes full of meaning. “But today’s events were _not_ your fault. You couldn’t have possibly known this would happen.”

Shiro bowed his head down, staring at his feet. “But I’m the one who came up with this mission,” he whispered, feeling his cheeks warm with shame. “None of this would have happened if we just stayed in the castle.”

“My dear boy, it could have happened in any other mission - even here at the castle; it could have also happened to someone else, not necessarily Lance.” Coran gave Shiro's shoulder a squeeze. “I know you only wish to protect your teammates, and I highly respect that; a good leader looks out for his soldiers. But part of being a good leader is also knowing that you cannot protect them _all_ the time. Sometimes things happen simply because they do. Trying to deny it will only hurt you further and won’t be of any help to your friends.”

Something in Shiro's chest loosened - if only slightly, but it was enough to make him able to raise his head and look at Coran again. The advisor's eyes projected nothing but warmth and understanding, and Shiro gave him a small smile and squeezed back the hand on his shoulder. "Thanks, Coran. That... helped a little."

"I wish nothing more than that, Number One. Now off you go, have yourself a nice, long shower. Number Three will be feeling much better soon."

Shiro nodded and turned to exit the infirmary. He almost turned back to have one last look at Lance but decided against it at the last second, knowing that Allura and Coran would do their best to treat him and there was no need for him to hover around uselessly.

He nearly bumped into Hunk at the hallway. Apparently the rest of the paladins had decided to ambush the infirmary's doors until someone came out with some news.

Shiro scowled, although he wasn't surprised at all to see them there. "I thought I told you to get some rest."

"Yeah, we didn't listen to you," Pidge deadpanned.

"How's Lance?" Keith demanded. "We - we heard yelling. We didn't know if we should come in or..." his voice died down, but he was staring at Shiro eagerly.

Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose to compose himself. "Yeah... about that. Lance had another panic attack when he saw the cryopods. It... it wasn't pretty." Understatement of the year.

Hunk grimaced. "Oh my god. Poor Lance."

" _Fuck_ ," Pidge muttered. "What did you do?"

Shiro shook his head. "I convinced Allura and Coran not to make him go into one. They agreed to treat his injury in a more... traditional way, I suppose. Anyway, they're with him now."

The expression on Keith, Hunk and Pidge's faces made it clear that their opinion about this solution was more or less like Shiro's.

"But Shiro... he can't keep avoiding the pods forever," Hunk said, quick as always on voicing out what everyone else was thinking. "I mean, if this had been a more serious injury..."

Shiro sighed - frankly, he had stopped counting how many time he did _that_ today. "I know this can't be a long-term solution, but it was the best option we had. The last thing Lance needs right now is to feel trapped again. I couldn't traumatize him any further, I just... couldn't."

"You made the right call," Pidge reached out and patted Shiro on the chest as she was clearly unable to make it to his shoulder. "Don't worry; we'll figure something out."

Shiro beamed at the green paladin. He could imagine her locking herself in the lab already tonight, trying to figure out a way to reprogram the pods in order to make them more accommodating to Lance. He still wasn't sure if that would be even possible, but he knew that Pidge - with Hunk's assistance, for sure - would put her heart and soul into it and he was proud of her for that.

"Are you okay?" Keith eyed Shiro with evident concern. "This whole day has been hard on you too."

Shiro thought about it. Was he okay? Well, not exactly. But he couldn't dwell on it right now - he needed to be strong for Lance, to offer him consolation and a shoulder to lean on, at least until the younger boy was back to himself. But a certain ache has settled in the past varga into his arms and back - probably from carrying Lance (who was not the most comfortable to handle with his long and lanky limbs) for so long. He could definitely use that shower Coran was talking about.

"I'm fine," he said, sending Keith a reassuring glance. "I just really need a shower. I'll come back to check on Lance after that and if he's up to it, I'll call you guys as well."

In the shower, Shiro closed his eyes tilted his head backwards, trying to enjoy the warm stream. But his thoughts kept going back to Lance and the infirmary. Realizing he wouldn't be able to truly relax until he made sure Lance was alright, he closed the stream with a grunt and fetched his towel, then dressed up quickly and headed straight to the infirmary.

Allura and Coran seemed to have just finished working - Allura was holding her hands under the mechanical disinfector and Coran was typing something into his tablet, standing just in front of Lance's bed and blocking his view from Shiro. His head perked up when he heard Shiro enter and he greeted him with a thumbs-up, skittering across the room until he was facing the black paladin.

"We took out all the shards of armor and applied to the limb a special Altean ointment, which is intended for both clotting and mending broken bones, and wrapped it all up with a nice, thick layer of bandages," Coran reported, looking rather content. "In our estimation, it will take about one Earthian week for Number Three to make a full recovery. Unfortunately he is not going to be able to put weight on the limb during that time and will have to rely on crutches for walking, but he doesn't seem to mind."

Shiro nodded, shoulders dropping as some of the tension left them at last. It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't too bad either. Had they been on Earth it would have taken Lance much longer than one week to recover after having his foot practically crushed.

"Thank you," he said, aiming his words at Allura as well as the princess approached them both. "Seriously. This is great news."

Allura offered him a small but kind smile, and Shiro was relieved to see she wasn't upset about earlier. "Not a problem," she said. "Also, we should probably inform you that we gave Lance a dose of painkillers," she lowered her voice and leaned closer to Shiro's ear, "which we mixed with something else that hopefully will, um, calm his nerves." She looked almost ashamed of herself, so Shiro took her hand in his and gave her a short squeeze to show her he understood. She returned the gesture with an apologetic smile.

"It should start kicking in pretty soon," Coran murmured. "So, if you wish to talk to Lance, I estimate you have about three or four dobashes."

"Thanks, Coran."

Coran patted Shiro's shoulder several times before exiting the infirmary, followed by Allura.

Shiro approached Lance's bed, making sure he would see him before he got too close. Lance was pretty much in the same position Shiro had left him - curled on his side, knees pulled tightly to his chest. There was a blanket covering him up to his waist so Shiro couldn't see the bandaged foot, but he did notice that he was no longer wearing the black undersuit but rather his favorite pajamas. Shiro had no idea when the hell Coran had found the time to fetch it from Lance's room, but he was thankful to the man nonetheless.

"Hey." Shiro sat on the bed, close to Lance's head but not too close in order not to crowd him.

"Hey," Lance replied quietly. His eyes were finally dry, but his face was all red and puffy and he didn't look directly at Shiro, but stared at some distant spot on the wall. One of his hands was fisted around the sheet him and Shiro nearly chuckled at how adorable that looked.

"How's your foot?" Shiro asked.

Lance shrugged. "Better."

"I'm glad to hear that." Shiro didn't know what else to say, so he slowly moved his hand to rest against Lance's hair, and when Lance didn't flinch he started raking his fingers through the disheveled bangs. Lance closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, and for a minute or two they simply stayed like that, enjoying the silence.

Then Lance spoke. "Shiro."

"Hmm?"

Lance's lower lip started to wobble and he bit it, hard. "What if I never..." he drew in a shaky breath, squeezing his eyes even tighter.

Shiro's stomach knotted again but he forced himself to keep calm. "It's going to be alright," he said, hoping he sounded like he meant it. "You don't have to worry about it right now. We're all here for you, and we'll find a way to get through this together."

For a moment Shiro thought Lance was going to argue or speak ill of himself, as he tended to do whenever he was hurt or feeling down. But either the sedative was starting to kick in or he somehow brought himself to believe Shiro's words, because he only gave a tiny nod, eyes still closed.

"Okay," Shiro said, and before he could stop himself he added, "I'm sorry."

"Wasn't your fault," Lance said.

Shiro was about to say that yes, it was, but then he remembered Coran's words and shook his head, clearing his throat. "I know. But I'm still sorry that you had to go through this."

Lance stifled a yawn and Shiro felt his head sinking heavily against the pillow. "At least you were there," he murmured. His speech was getting a little slurry, and Shiro assumed he would be out of it in a few ticks. "Thanks for lookin' out for me."

Shiro smiled. "I'll always look out for you." And he meant it with all his heart.

Lance didn't answer this time, the sound of his slow, even breaths indicating that he was finally asleep.

An unexplained wave of serenity washed over Shiro as he watched the sleeping paladin, hand still stroking his hair absently. Somehow he _knew_ they would be okay. He didn't know when or how yet, but he knew they would. It was the only option, and Shiro wasn't going to give it up.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know where I'm going with this series. I've never intended to continue the first one-shot, but more ideas just kept popping in my head so... yeah. I have no idea if there's going to be another part to this. Clearly Lance's claustrophobia is a serious business and needs to be resolved, but right now I don't know how. Feel free to come up with suggestions :P
> 
> Anyway, writing 8k+ of angst is not exactly a walk in the park, so please be kind and drop a review!


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